Yep, that’s definitely what I’m going to do, I think

 

I have a huge list of things I’d like to write about, but I just couldn’t decide what my next post should be- what’s the most interesting topic? What do I know about? What would people like to read? I went from one thing to the other, starting bits and then restarting on another topic. Then it came to me- decisions!! So this post is about making decisions, or not making them in my case!

I have always been an indecisive person, even pre ED, but I personally think having something like an ED makes it worse, and visa versa in many cases. I’m a bit of a perfectionist and always endeavour to find the ‘best’ version of everything, whether that be a pair of shoes or a place to have brunch. This mindset consequently turns most things into a ‘big’ decision.  You then spend so long trying to work out what option’s best, only to forget the whole lot because any fun has been zapped out of it. My decision making during my ED was at a pretty sub zero level, and there was one particular instance I will always remember- it was lunchtime at work and I hadn’t got anything with me so I went out to get something. I was gone for 2hrs, went to 3 different supermarkets and came back with nothing. I had literally gone from choice to choice, weighing (no pun intended) up every option- which was better for protein, which had less fat, which was the least processed, what did I actually want.

Thankfully those dire times are behind me but I still find it hard to actually stick with a decision. Part of this is just me and the person I am, but part of it can be worked on, and improved. If I’ve got something to decide on I try and think about the following:

  • Firstly, nothing is perfect. You can’t always hold out for the perfect dress, the prefect meal, the perfect guy (I’m not entirely sure that exists!) as it may never appear. All those really fun things that happen in life, rarely come from something that was perfect- they’re from random, impulse things
  • Be logical. So often I analyse every single insignificant piece of rubbish that I lose all sight as to what the hell I was looking for in the first place. Look at the pros and cons. Are the cons really that bad, if so maybe don’t do it.
  • Once you’ve made a decision stick with it. On SO many occasions I’ve said ‘Yep, that’s it’s, I’ll definitely do that, definitely, foshizzle, 100%’ Then 20 minutes later it’s back to ‘Ooooorrrrrr maybe I could do this instead?!’ Make the decision and stick with it, and if it’s wrong so be it, you can make a different decision next time
  • If it’s regarding food, or more particularly a treat I might fancy I try and think what I actually want. This is hard! I still feel quite restrictive with certain things so the idea of a treat/treat meal throws in a whole heap of options. In early recovery there was so much I didn’t eat, when I felt I was ‘allowed’ something, I just couldn’t decide. Then I’d  realise that on the grand scheme of life, this isn’t a hard decision to make- I could have pizza this week, then pasta the next
  • Write it down. I make lists for everything! If I lose my list it may as well be Armageddon. I often question my final decision a while after I’ve made it, if I’ve written it down I can see the thought process behind it, and it makes it seem more final, something to stick to. Gradually the need to write it all down diminishes but initially it can help.
  •  What’s the worst that can happen?! My dad has always told me that any decision is better than no decision and how right that is.  I felt I’ve wasted a lot of time not making decisions and simply sticking to what I’ve got, as sometimes it’s the easy option, but that doesn’t get you anywhere. At the moment I need to decide what my next step will be with my job, and my general life.  If I just forget about it and keep on doing what I’m doing, I’ll still be doing it in another 12 months! If I make a decision and it turns out to be the wrong one, it’s not the end of life as I know…..I’ll just need to cut down on the organic nut butters and nice gym gear as I’ll be unemployed and broke! But I’ll have learnt something

Getting over a perfectionist mindset and learning to make your own decisions is hard, but it gets easier the more you do it. There will always be an indecisive part of me, that’s just in my character but I’m not spending 4 hours in Waitrose, M and S and Tesco searching for the ‘best’ lunch I can find

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