Change is scary, change makes things uncertain, change can carry ‘bad’ connotations BUT if nothing changes, nothing changes.I have wanted to change a few aspects of my life for sometime but when you’re going through an ED you can’t really make accurate decisions as you’re not entirely sure what you even want. I touched on this on a post on Instagram, but when I was anorexic I clutched at straws, possible things that may make me happy, but ultimately I needed to focus more on the little things and not make big changes at that time.
Things are a bit different now. While I still have my issues I know what path I want to take, and it’s exciting, yes it’s scary but it’s exciting too. Anorexia likes routine, and it likes habit but that doesn’t necessarily lead to a happy and fulfilled life. I could stay as I am- I don’t dislike my job, I love my house, I have plenty of friends and generally things are fine, but I want to see if they could be more than fine. I’m about to embark on a lot of changes, part of me worries it’ll fall apart, or that I may relapse, or just generally spend my time being unhappy BUT another part of me is excited for what the changes could bring- if I don’t try I’ll never know!
So what am I doing?
- Firstly, and most importantly I’ve made the decision to move to London. I have a lot of friends down there and have thought about it so many times, but have finially decided to take the plunge. Last time I considered this I was with my ex boyfriend and, if I’m honest, I was doing it mainly for him. I wasn’t overly keen on the idea and it started to occur to me that I may not be overly keen on him either! I live in Worcester, the town I grew up in, and other than Uni and my gap year I’ve lived here most of my life. It’s the sort of place where you’d struggle to go for a coffee and not see someone you know. Part of me loves that and part of me hates it. I have some of my closest friends living just round the corner, and my parents are a few miles away but moving is something I feel I need to do, for me, and something I want to do. I’d like to live somewhere else, experience another city, meet new people.
- Secondly I will have a housemate! This is probably the norm for most people but I have lived on my own for sometime (in a non ‘crazy cat lady’ kind of way) and am used to it. As I said before, EDs like routine so there’s a part of me that’s worried about living with someone else from that aspect- will I be able to cook my food when I want to, will I annoy my housemate by constantly food prepping! Then I remember that my housemate will actually be one of my oldest, bestest friends from school, as she has just bought her first flat. So although it will be different, it will also be loads of fun!
- Another fairly major change is obviously my job. I’m applying for gym based jobs at the moment and actually have an interview next week, which I’m very excited about. I haven’t had an interview for nearly 9 years so again, I’m a tad nervous, but I remind myself what I tell my friends when they go for interviews ‘they want you as much as you want them.’
- Finally I can also start to offer online training. I am now a qualified level 2 gym instructor and am also studying for my level 3 in personal training. If you follow me on Twitter and Instagram you’ll also know that I undertook a short nutrition course with LDN Muscle see picture) and on Friday I found out I passed! I’m so excited to be able to call myself a Nurition Coach, and will be taking on clients within the next couple of weeks, so watch this space
All of the above are pretty major changes for me, and they could all go wrong but they could also go right. I have wanted to do this for so long and now it’s actually happening. Change doesn’t have to mean ‘bad’ or scary, it can also be exciting. I don’t want to get to old age, and wonder what if……