It’s Not all Beach and Sunsets

My head space has been a mish mash of emotions over the last few weeks, and more specifically days.  I’ve felt pretty negative about myself, and haven’t really wanted to do much, while at the same time wanting to do everything and anything so I’m not just on my own, contemplating the meaning of life, and whether smooth cashew is in fact better than crunchy peanut #firstworldproblems. Emotions also effect the way I eat.  Sometimes I want to go out for the biggest meal possible and sometimes I just don’t want to eat anything.  Self care goes hand and hand with this- if you feel rubbish about yourself, you don’t really want to care for yourself.  My usual food prep has been ok, but I just can’t be bothered sometimes.  Again, training which I usually love, hasn’t seemed as appealing.  It does definitely give me some much needed head space but it feels a little like I’m just ‘going through the motions.’ In fact life in general feels a little like I’m just going through the motions, almost like a spectator to other peoples lives, a bit lost and a bit worthless- bring out the violins.

I don’t feel like this often at all these days, just every now and again, but I think it’s important to talk about it, and be open about it.  Recovery from anything, either mental or physical is never a steady upward line- there are peaks and troughs.  Sometimes you feel resilient to anything, totally  unbreakable, and sometimes you want to burst into tears because you bought instant oats, and not organic jumbo.  That’s ok, not the oats, no one likes instant, but the tears and the not feeling resilient towards anything.  We’re human- work, friends, love life, can all have an effect on how we feel, and on how we view ourselves.  I guess the important thing to remember is that while you’re not unbreakable, you are pretty fucking strong.  Carrying on every single day when all you want to do is run off and hide is hard, but if you’re doing just that, then that’s a pretty big achievement.

So feeling like crap, how do you try and feel ‘better?’ The following are things I try:

  • Talk, talk, talk, talk. Always talk, open up about how you feel, maybe the person you’re talking too actually feels similar but you both had no idea.  I had this with a friend at the weekend, and while I don’t want the friend to feel rubbish it gave me some comfort
  • Write it down! This always makes me feel better. It’s like taking out all the millions of things buzzing round my mind. It’s almost like offloading your problems, and getting them out of your head
  • Self care- there is no shame in taking some time out for yourself. Whether it be an early night, a hair cut, painting your nails, or making yourself good food, doing things to care for yourself is important
  • Stop comparing! If you’re comparing your life to others remember they may be doing the same. They may even be looking at your own life, the one you’re so down on, with total envy.  Be grateful for what you have, and more importantly the people in it.
  • Don’t spend too much time on your own. Everyone is different and I actually like my own company but when I don’t feel so great I dread being on my own.  Plan stuff, any stuff.  Go and sit in café with some work or read a book, rather than sitting at home.
  • As hard as it is when I don’t feel great I will try and absorb myself in other things, whether that be work, writing a blog post, planning social things, anything at all, just something to focus on

Life is tough sometimes and no one really has an easy ride, no matter how things may seem.  It can be really hard to just ‘be happy’ when your mind won’t let you, but things will get better.  Cheer for yourself, be proud of the little things you do, wipe out the negative vibes and know you are not alone

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